When I was working, either full-time or part-time, I was always rushing around! There was constantly so much to get done in a very short time frame and I always had a mental list of guilt laden tasks I hadn't got done because I was so interminably busy chasing my tail ... It was never-ending, stressful, pressured and constrained. I felt bad if I hadn't achieved everything off my list each weekend because I knew that it would be at least another week before I had the time or energy to try again, by which time there were another ten items added to the bottom of the list. Think Gladiator's 'travelator' - I never reached the top!
When I first left paid employment, I was in the same frame of mind. I was still berating myself daily for not getting stuff done and trying to squeeze all those jobs I had previously put off doing because I'd been too busy or exhausted. I couldn't understand why, when I had all this time on my hands, I wasn't being more productive! BUT if you are always setting deadlines in life, that implies time constraints, which in turn implies needing to get a task completed or else there will be dire consequences. You might need to think that way in the world of work, but it shouldn't apply to your home life. This is where you should be feel safe and cared for; where you can take time out and relax.
Looking after myself, my home and my family, shouldn't be stressful. Obviously there are still plenty of jobs to be done, but I wanted to enjoy and savour time at home. It was time to rethink why I was doing the jobs I did and how I could make them more pleasurable. The first thing I did was to slow down. If I didn't get the floors mopped on Tuesday, I could do them on Wednesday or indeed Thursday (but I always did them). As long as my husband had a clean, ironed shirt in the cupboard for the following day, the ironing could wait until I wanted to do it. I employed choice in the things I did each day. The jobs would all get done but in my time frame.
Some mornings, I wake up driven with the desire to clean, clean, clean...so I plug in my iPod and off I go. I am in the mood and I enjoy the day and the fruits of my labours. Other days, I want to snuggle up on the settee and read, so I do. As long as there is food to eat and a warm welcome in my home, it doesn't really matter if the drawers are tidy or the washing baskets are empty!
I lead quite a solitary life now I'm not at work. Fortunately, I enjoy silence and my own company, but then there are times when I live to socialise, so I forget all the jobs and just go out and chat with no guilt at jobs left undone - I am nurturing my soul!
In amongst looking after my home and family, I take time out for me - I walk, I read, I create and I meditate. It is this acceptance that I need to take care of myself physically, mentally, spiritually andemotionally that has helped me become a better, healthier person, which of course has had a positive impact on my home and family! Win, win!
I will never be a lazy person and I could never live in an unclean house. I love tidy surroundings, creating things and cooking, so my hands and mind will never be idle, but it's time to adopt a new approach to being at home. To slow the pace down, to enjoy what I do and take pride in this next stage of my life, living in a simple and fruitful manner.
“The chance you had is the life you've got. You can make complaints about what people, including you, make of their lives after they have got them, and about what people make of other people's lives, ...but you mustn't wish for another life. You mustn't want to be somebody else.”
― Wendell Berry, Hannah Coulter
Make peace with yourself and your chosen lifestyle and live it in the best way you know how!
This is so true and apt to my own situation. I, however, am still at the guilt stage. Working in paid employment out of the home, around family commitments is a hard habit to break! Like you, I am not a lazy person and still can't get out of the habit of getting up at 6 am every morning when hubby's got me a cup of tea ready. I still feel like I've got to get somewhere else by 8.30!!! Slowly getting there though.
ReplyDeleteTake it slowly - this is potentially the rest of your life, so take your time and enjoy the transition! I was still getting up at the same time, but now especially in these colder. On the, I am allowing myself half an hour in bed with my cuppa, thinking about the day ahead and what it holds, but also thinking back on the day before and the moments I enjoyed. It seems to help put me in the right mind set to have a positive day. This is a massive change for me, but I feel so much healthier for it!
DeleteJust do what you want to do, housework can wait, I use to have a routine, but just do what I want when I want, the house is always clean and tidy, yesterday I didn't feel like housework in the morning, but then before tea I decided to clean all the mirrors, and glass.
ReplyDeleteI used to be the same, reckon it took me 2 years to calm down. DB is different, he likes a daily to do list which is far larger than mine but we both take time out and what doesn't get done today, can be done tomorrow or the next day .....
DeleteSuch an interesting post and very timely, I was thinking yesterday as I drove to work that it would be really nice to wake up, see that it was a lovely day and choose to go for a walk. I work part time now but the nice weather always feels like it happens when I am at work! I'm looking forward to being able to plan my days around what I feel like doing that day and not being restricted by timetables. Hopefully in the next few years this will be achievable.
ReplyDeleteI feel so lucky every day that I have been able to make this change of direction, if only for a while. Who knows what the future might hold, but I feel grateful that I have been able to stop and take stock!
ReplyDeleteSuch a great post, filled with wisdom! I'm the kind of person who has a hard time relaxing unless I have everything checked off my "to do" list, and I need to stop thinking that way. This is a good reminder.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm a list person too, but I am working on training myself to be less self critical!
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