That's the kind of perfection I don't mind!
By nature, I am a perfectionist. I like things just so, particularly in my surroundings. Pictures need to be straight, cushions plumped, surfaces clean and cupboards and drawers tidy. Over the years, I have spent a ridiculous number of hours trying to attain and maintain this level of perfection in my home. Frankly, I've had enough!!
The only trouble is, I don't seem to be able to 'cure' myself of the affliction of perfectionism! I manage to suppress it for a while, sometimes even weeks, but then the feelings of panic come rushing back in and threaten to overwhelm me!
Recently I haven't had either the time or indeed much inclination to clean the house thoroughly. I would normally ALWAYS clean the house from top to bottom, generally on a Monday and then maintain it during the week. However, I've been away, been busy and been poorly over the last three weeks, so I haven't done the whole house. There I was merrily congratulating myself on how well I was coping and half daring to think I had finally turned the corner......Ha Ha!! Of course I havent!! I even dreamt that I was stuck on the edge of a cliff last night with no way off, eventually falling to my certain death in the sea below, waking myself up in the process! I think that may have had more to do with the amount of medicaments I had dosed myself up with last night, but I did wake feeling very close to the edge this morning!
Don't get me wrong, I will always like a clean and comfortable home and it's important to keep a minimum level of organisation BUT I don't want to be a slave to house work forever more. I feel as if my husband humours me (although he definitely has a touch of the obsessive about him!) and my children probably think I'm unnecessarily fussy and I'm even driving myself a bit mad with it!
Do any of you know any helpful tips to help tell my brain that I'm not losing control of my entire life if my house is a little bit untidy!?! I'm not a stupid person, but writing that, I can see how stupid that must sound! I've come on such a long way in de stressing and re evaluating my life since giving up work and I don't want that progress to be eaten away at by my obsession with perfection in my home and being 'in control'.
I am asking my blogging friends for some help and advice.....over to you :)
It sounds a bit odd but when I got rid of my hoard I had trouble getting organised because I was a perfectionist - my place was a mess because I "knew" I was waiting for the perfect system. When I started to get organised I swung the other way and was obsessed with everything being as I'd organised it, to the extent I'd get cross when Dan messed up my system or did something the "wrong" way. So I know the feelings, I took some advice from someone online - just live with it. I purposely left things undone, or slightly wonky or not perfect, and nothing happened, eventually it didn't bother me, I thought about something else and my time was freed up to do things that were important to me, I was no longer chained to the house.
ReplyDeleteThere is a huge difference between an unplumped cushion and being unwilling to open your door to a visitor. Life is for living and houses are for living in - life means imperfection, as long as there are people living in your home there will be something "out of place", the living is important, the stuff isn't.
I know you're right. My head can see that it's illogical but I still struggle. I think I might need to give myself some cognitive behavioural therapy!! Sometimes I think I'm getting it and then I get all stressed again! I'll keep trying :)
DeleteI think it's a symptom and not really a problem in itself. It was only when I faced the real cause (mental) that I could deal with the stuff. CBT could be an option, good luck!
DeleteI need to give it much more thought then. I'll let you know my progress!
DeleteI can't offer any good advice on that one! I am (unfortunately) the complete opposite. I like things to be clean nonetheless but absolutely hate housework with a passion. My vision when I took early retirement was that I would turn into a domestic goddess - it's not happened! I do the basics every single day, eg. laundry, general tidying, a quick hoover, etc, but have to really force myself to do anything drastic. At the moment I am enjoying planting in the garden and would rather be gardening than doing household chores ay day. The moment I get stuck into something in the house, I get side tracked and then the original task rarely gets finished properly. Having said that, I have a big task looming - we need to clear our daughter's bedroom and re-decorate it before she leaves Uni in a few weeks.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with that task! My daughter brought a whole other life of stuff home with her, but we still had all her previous belongings!! It was a really hard task to sort and now she's off to Uni again (postgrad medicine degree) so we're going to have to sort it all out again! I think we may need a really good clear out this time though as we're hoping to move house whilst she's away at uni!
DeleteThere are some things that I have to have tidy - worktops and nothing on the floor ( apart from furniture obviously!) but other things don't bother me( dust on the skirting boards for instance - and lots of other places- and muddle in the craft room) maybe you could decide which are your top priority for keeping spick and span. I would rather be reading, writing, sitting in the sun, baking or gardening than doing things which I don't have to do. Basically I'm just lazy!
ReplyDeleteI PREFER doing other things, which is fine, but then I just get myself in a state of stress when I look around the house and its a mess. If I could just get over that stress, if be fine!!
DeleteYou sound just like me ... I even tidy the supermarket shelf if, for example, an item has fallen over. I can't resist putting it back in place, tidily.
ReplyDeleteMargaret P
Oh yes I've done that!! I'm getting better than I was but its a slow old process!! I'm determined to beat my affliction though!
DeleteUnfortunately, I am the same. If I lived alone it would be (and was) a place for everything and everything in it's place. I do, however, live with a hoarder and it's all I can do to not order a large skip. My problem is that I don't like 'stuff'. Having a lot of possessions, neatly placed or otherwise, makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I'd love to know why. I've been like that for as long as I can remember. X
ReplyDeleteI certainly have more stuff than I ever used to, but I could never be a hoarder - I would find living with one VERY difficult too. My husband grew up in a hoarders house and HATES clutter so at least he's like-minded. It's certainly in our genes I think although as an adopted child I have genetic and learnt behaviours crashing around in my head!!
DeleteMy dad use to fit kitchens and my Mum use to say everybody had great kitchens apart from her because he was too tired and fitted them all day and therefore never got round to hers. Now I clean for several people and find when I get home I'm too cleaned out to do mine! For example today I've done two peoples kitchens and got home to mine, well let's just say this mornings washing up is still on the draining board! I would love to have a clean house but with children and dogs I just wouldn't have time to knit or blog!
ReplyDeleteMy dad use to fit kitchens and my Mum use to say everybody had great kitchens apart from her because he was too tired and fitted them all day and therefore never got round to hers. Now I clean for several people and find when I get home I'm too cleaned out to do mine! For example today I've done two peoples kitchens and got home to mine, well let's just say this mornings washing up is still on the draining board! I would love to have a clean house but with children and dogs I just wouldn't have time to knit or blog!
ReplyDeleteIt's certainly an uphill battle with children and animals! We had a wonderful Golden Retriever - much adored by all of us - he caused 80% of my cleaning!! I couldn't live in a home without animals though. I had to admit that blogging has become a time eater for me!!
DeleteWe were just talking about this the other day.
ReplyDeleteI was saying to Daughter that my home was somewhat messy and dusty. She started to laugh "Mum you don't know messy. You should see how people live"
I live in the desert so there is always dust.
When I lived by myself I would clean Saturday morning and be done. Now son has moved back for awhile and he helps me.
First off no carpet, tile everywhere. One under the sofa and one by the bed, for the dogs. no stuff all around. I have built in shelves for my collections or stuff. I only clean them 2 times a year but they get lightly dusted every week with those fluffy things. No massive amounts of pillows everywhere. I have a friend who had 10 pillows on her bed alone. Oh My Goodness. Then on each chair in her bedroom there are 2 or 3 more. Just taking care of all those pillows in one room would drive me batty.
If I can't clean it with Windex I don't have it. For me the less you have out the easier it is to clean.
My home looks clean and I have a wall of windows, I am happy.
Now my studio is messy but I am moving shelves around and it is getting easier to keep sorta clean.
This has worked for me and helps with all my breathing and auto-immune problems.
I do all the bathrooms on another day if I am to tired.
cheers, parsnip
I'm quite sure my expectations of myself are ridiculously high! I think when we move house, we'll have a massive de clutter too which will help. I am guilty of lots of cushions though!!
DeleteI'm a lazy perfectionist..... if that makes sense!!! I deal with this by trying to do small jobs before they become immense issues in my mind. Jx
ReplyDeleteYes - good idea. Rather than cleaning the whole house, break it down to smaller sections so I can't fit it in even on a busy day.....may try that tactic!
DeleteWell if you are living that dream and want that range in the kitchen learn to live with dust, sawdust, bits of bark ash all in the house making a mess, its all part and parcel of it, you will also have to learn to live with muddy floors wet coats mucky clothes, straw and hay blowing all over the place, I like things organised I like my tools put away so I know were to find them, clutter and mess drive me mad, I think you should perhaps try a few deep breathes and learn to walk away from some things just pick something small and work on that then move on to something else sorry not being much help here :-)
ReplyDeleteWell if that's not a reason to overcome my affliction, then what would be! I will focus on my dream and remember what is important! :)
DeleteYou have such an insightful blog. Thanks for sharing. Reading blogs is my hobby and I randomly found your blog. I enjoyed reading your posts. Interesting! All the best for your future blogging journey.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much! I'm really glad you find my musings interesting. I think I've always had a tendency to analyse and perhaps overthink things at times.
DeleteI had never event read a blog until September, so it's been a really interesting discovery and I'm enjoying it very much. Nice to have a male insight too.
When I developed CFS many years ago, I stopped being the perfectionist I had always been up until then. Someone gave me some advice about housework and gardening as I was too ill to do anything except the basics. It went something like this:
ReplyDeleteBlow the dust
Hang the washing
Sod the lawn!
As long as dishes and cutlery are clean, there is a good supply of fresh and home made food available, and everyone has clean clothes to wear the next day, that's good enough for me. I have no housework routine and things get cleaned when I have the time and the energy and when they're needing cleaned. Living in a rural area with strong winds blowing soil off the fields, and dogs and children dragging mud into the house, there's no point in getting uptight about keeping the house immaculate. It would be like painting the Forth Bridge - you get to one end and the other needs starting again. My advice would be if it starts feeling like it's getting on top of you, grab your coat and walking boots, shut the door and go for a walk x
That made me laugh so much, then of course I coughed loads too!
ReplyDeleteCFS must be a nightmare. No doubt lots of people say "oh yeah, I feel tired all the time too", but I imagine CFS is a whole different ball game! Sorry to hear that you are having to cope with it. X