I'm not sure if it's the frequent, frustrating-in-the-extreme phone calls to insurance and various related imbeciles (sorry but so far, the service we have received has been pretty poor) or whether it's the lingering aches and pains from the accident added to the, as yet uncured, plantar fasciitis, OR whether it's the fact that this is the first Christmas without my mother and without all my 'chicks in the nest' .....but I cannot seem to grasp hold of my positive spirit.
I'm pretty much in control of the small stuff - the house is decorated and looking lovely; the presents are bought and mostly wrapped; the Christmas week menu is planned and I'm ready for guests and visiting family. The things that need to get done are getting done.
The area that I'm struggling with is me - I don't seem to be able to gain any meaningful control over my life and where it's going, or my general health. I'm supposed to be eating a diet to lower my cholesterol, I'm supposed to be losing weight, I'm supposed to be spending more time outside; I'm supposed to be meditating etc etc...
So why can I manage the small stuff, but am steadfastly ignoring the really important things?!!! Sometimes, I really frustrate myself!
Perhaps the New Year will spur me on? Something needs to come and kick me up the behind quite frankly.....
why not push the big things to the back of your mind, source some local shelters fr the homless, see if you can spend a few hours with them helping out on the run up to christmas, put together a christmas box for some-one who will be spending christmas there its sure to put you in the christmas spirit :-)
ReplyDeleteYou're right of course - I need to stop festering. Helping others always brings pleasure doesn't it? I will do my best to stay positive.
DeleteYou are grieving, it all takes time, just be kind to yourself and give yourself the time.
ReplyDeleteJoy x x
Thank you. I know I should perhaps be easier on myself, but it doesn't come naturally!
DeleteErr sounds to me like you're doing a damn good job there already - with what you've achieved towards Christmas (which is more than I have!)
ReplyDeleteLife changes, sometimes we don't change our thinking or expectations at the same rate.
You will catch up and enjoy a different type of Christmas soon - sometimes it just takes time - take care xxx
Ahh you see I'm very good at doing which is what everyone sees, so I come across as fine. It's the 'being' I'm struggling with. I will have to force myself to be patient, something else I'm not great at :(
DeleteDon't be so hard on yourself, you've done amazingly well this year with all that you've gone and are going through.
ReplyDeleteI don't think now is the time to donate your time to homeless shelters or anything like that, you can give a small donation or buy some food for a Foodbank if you feel the need to help. I think for once it's more the time to hunker down, keep cosy and be kind to yourself and your nearest and dearest. Your Christmas is shaping up to be a lovely and low key affair, memories will come flooding back and all that you have coped with so magnificently will make you feel tender and fragile at this time of year. Embrace your emotions and take each day as it comes .... and for a couple of days ignore the losing weight, the cholesterol etc etc and eat the bloody Quality Street ;-)
Thank you - that's really kind of you. I have found the support from fellow bloggers really touching and helpful over the last few months. Reading about other people's lives is a welcome distraction :) guilt free quality street it is then! X :)
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