A roller coaster ride

I haven't ever written a post like this before because I normally keep my posts fairly neutral, but yesterday was such an extraordinary day that I thought I'd share it with you. It is part of my journey after all and that was the original purpose of my blog.

My mother has been suffering from vascular dementia for some time now and due to a series of events (and yes they were unfortunate for those of you who know the books!), her health both physical and mental has deteriorated significantly and rapidly over the last 10 weeks. She is no longer able to live at home and presently is being cared for by the wonderful staff in a small Devon cottage hospital, whilst we wait for a suitable placement to become available. As it was Mother's Day yesterday, I felt I wanted to ring her and talk to her (we live over 3 hours away so visiting isn't easy). She was very drowsy, but recognised me at least. I wished her a Happy Mothers Day, but then she began to sob down the phone that her brother had died. (I knew he hadn't, but one for one terrible moment I thought perhaps it was true). Nothing I could say would reassure her, so we had to end the conversation after just a few traumatic moments.
My mother is a strong, independent-minded woman who worked most of her life. She is well educated, well travelled and interesting. She is generous and funny, challenging and infuriating too! The woman she is now, is not that woman. I have been robbed of my mother by this cruel disease. I am grieving for the loss of her whilst she is still alive and it's like a slow torture because I know that when the end comes to give her peace, I will grieve all over again at her passing.
After a difficult start, I decided to improve the day by posting my Homestart Mum a Mother's Day card from me to her. As I've said previously she's doing a fine job in difficult circumstances and I believe that people all benefit from being praised for their efforts. Hopefully she liked it.
My beautiful children cooked me a wonderful meal and had fun doing it too. I had roasted vegetable tart with home made coleslaw and potato salad, followed by chocolate chilli fondants served with ice cream and a rich chocolate sauce. The table was beautifully laid with flowers and candles and there was a lovely bottle of wine to go with the meal. It was a beautiful end to what had started out as an emotionally draining day...

Or so I thought...
.....unfortunately I am very sad to say that the foxes got Rosemary and Marigold last night. They snuck in in the dark and stole them away. I am very sad as I loved my two cheeky feathered ladies. It has been pretty horrendous going down to their run this morning and not being greeted by their funny little noises. I will get some more chickens, but not quite yet. There's some grieving still to be done.

So as you can see, a real emotional roller-coaster of a day. I feel utterly exhausted this morning. Not helped by an iPad update which blocked me from accessing my blog! 40 frustrating minutes later, I finally managed to regain access. As you can imagine, my patience was a little strained this morning, so I may not have been as lady like as I can be!!

Now I'm going to take a very deep breath, put on my pinny, plug in some loud music and clean. It will be suitably therapeutic I'm sure and cheaper than counselling, alcohol or drugs!