Wednesday 28 October 2015

A fascinating book

In the last couple of days, I have finished a very interesting read. My brother, who is a GP, had recommended that my eldest read it at the beginning of her medical studies and also that I might find it helpful in terms of our mothers recent death.
The book is called 'Being Mortal' by Atul Gawande and as the title suggests it is an insight in to how we want our lives to be at the very end of our days and how medicine often fails to take into account the quality of our life other than in terms of our safety, medical and basic survival needs.
It's not an easy read and certainly it's not a barrel of laughs, but I found it very interesting indeed and it has certainly made me think about having the difficult conversation about how we would like our final days to look, with our children earlier rather than later!

Funnily enough, this post ties in rather neatly with this post http://frugalinnorfolk.blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/needs-wants-and-wastlefulness.html over on Frugal in Norfolk. It seems many of us are moving away from old, commercial, stuff laden, stressful, work driven lives to simpler, more purposeful, even spiritual lives.

One passage from the book in particular seemed to sum up exactly how I feel about life now. Obviously I'm hoping there's a lot more winding down to be done before my final days, but I certainly feel as if I am on the verge of a new chapter.

"As our time winds down, we all seek comfort in simple pleasures - companionship, everyday routines, the taste of good food, the warmth of sunlight on our faces. We become less interested in the rewards of achieving and accumulating, and more interested in the rewards of simply being. Yet while we may feel less ambitious, we also become concerned for our legacy. And we have a deep need to identify purposes outside ourselves that make living feel meaningful and worthwhile."

Also in the book, Atul quotes the philosopher Ronald Dworkin who wrote "The value of autonomy.... lies in the scheme of responsibility it creates:autonomy makes each of us responsible for shaping his own life according to some coherent and distinctive sense of character, conviction and interest. It allows us to lead our own lives rather than be led along them..."

We are all of us looking to be able to take charge of our own lives and live them in the way we feel is right, right up until the very end. It surely is the most important thing for a human being to feel that they have led their lives based on their core values and ideals?

And to cheer you up ....

I brought this oil painting back from Mum's. It's by Ernest Knight and is over 6ft long. It was in her rather large hallway, but I just knew it would look amazing on this bright blue background in my conservatory. It will bring a smile to my face every day - even the dull ones! 

I'm glad you liked the bead idea on my last post. Perhaps it will catch on as a trend?! 





11 comments:

  1. Thanks for the link and a very interesting link with yours. I try not to look back with regret where and if possible as I personally feel it is akin to being a 'victim'. I also try to lead my life rather than it lead me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it's not always possible to be in charge as stuff has a habit of happening to you, but you can choose how you deal with it. It was by interesting that our posts married so well together! Great minds ....

      Delete
  2. It really does sound like a fascinating book. I do hope my time is not 'winding down' just yet, though. I love how that picture looks in your conservatory. The blue wall sets it off beautifully. X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I'm so glad I could find somewhere to display the painting as its always been a part of my life :)

      Delete
  3. This woman is not for winding down quite yet. I will have a look for the book, it sound interesting. Having had a year of losses in 2004, followed a few years later by my husbands death, I have made my wishes known to my family and friends. It is strange that in this age of "no subject is taboo" many are reluctant to plan for or discuss the inevitable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They will be grateful that you have made your wishes known as it will help them to know they are doing the right thing by you. BUT as you say, no winding down just yet!!

      Delete
  4. Some very true words there, I guess in some ways I'm winding down, less accumulating stuff, letting things go but in other areas I seem to be winding up. Plans for the future, lists of things to do, it's finding the balance of life that suits us all isn't it.

    We've discussed with each other in detail how we want our ends to be and what our final wishes are, I think no subject should be taboo. All I think we need to do is get more words on paper so that if anything happened to the two of us simultaneously the nitty gritty would be there for the children to see and not just the financial arrangements.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I liked his point that our focus shifts from consumerism, money and career to people, nature and leaving a legacy.
      I think having a written plan would help your children enormously when the time eventually comes.

      Delete
  5. My dad died suddenly aged 47. He had left when I was 5 but I found him again when I was 19 and was really just getting to know him. But he left no instructions in his will as to what he wanted in the end; he was an only child, no parents, had split up with his former partner and it was left to me to make the decisions. It was an enormous responsibility. I've spoken to our teenage son about our will etc and told him that he wasn't to get all emotional about the thought of us passing but that it needed to be discussed so that he wasn't left having to make the same decisions I had to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can only start to imagine how difficult that must have been for all kinds of reasons. As you say, a huge responsibility and one that you just have to trust that you got right. I hadn't had specific instructions from my mum, but I do think that her funeral and the subsequent sorting of her affairs has been done how she'd like. Whilst reading the book however, I couldn't help but have a tinge of regret at how her final months panned out. I have to say to myself that I did my best and what I thought was right!
      It's a good idea to have had the discussion with your son even if it is a difficult one to have.

      Delete
  6. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete