Monday, 16 March 2015

A roller coaster ride

I haven't ever written a post like this before because I normally keep my posts fairly neutral, but yesterday was such an extraordinary day that I thought I'd share it with you. It is part of my journey after all and that was the original purpose of my blog.

My mother has been suffering from vascular dementia for some time now and due to a series of events (and yes they were unfortunate for those of you who know the books!), her health both physical and mental has deteriorated significantly and rapidly over the last 10 weeks. She is no longer able to live at home and presently is being cared for by the wonderful staff in a small Devon cottage hospital, whilst we wait for a suitable placement to become available. As it was Mother's Day yesterday, I felt I wanted to ring her and talk to her (we live over 3 hours away so visiting isn't easy). She was very drowsy, but recognised me at least. I wished her a Happy Mothers Day, but then she began to sob down the phone that her brother had died. (I knew he hadn't, but one for one terrible moment I thought perhaps it was true). Nothing I could say would reassure her, so we had to end the conversation after just a few traumatic moments.
My mother is a strong, independent-minded woman who worked most of her life. She is well educated, well travelled and interesting. She is generous and funny, challenging and infuriating too! The woman she is now, is not that woman. I have been robbed of my mother by this cruel disease. I am grieving for the loss of her whilst she is still alive and it's like a slow torture because I know that when the end comes to give her peace, I will grieve all over again at her passing.
After a difficult start, I decided to improve the day by posting my Homestart Mum a Mother's Day card from me to her. As I've said previously she's doing a fine job in difficult circumstances and I believe that people all benefit from being praised for their efforts. Hopefully she liked it.
My beautiful children cooked me a wonderful meal and had fun doing it too. I had roasted vegetable tart with home made coleslaw and potato salad, followed by chocolate chilli fondants served with ice cream and a rich chocolate sauce. The table was beautifully laid with flowers and candles and there was a lovely bottle of wine to go with the meal. It was a beautiful end to what had started out as an emotionally draining day...

Or so I thought...
.....unfortunately I am very sad to say that the foxes got Rosemary and Marigold last night. They snuck in in the dark and stole them away. I am very sad as I loved my two cheeky feathered ladies. It has been pretty horrendous going down to their run this morning and not being greeted by their funny little noises. I will get some more chickens, but not quite yet. There's some grieving still to be done.



So as you can see, a real emotional roller-coaster of a day. I feel utterly exhausted this morning. Not helped by an iPad update which blocked me from accessing my blog! 40 frustrating minutes later, I finally managed to regain access. As you can imagine, my patience was a little strained this morning, so I may not have been as lady like as I can be!!

Now I'm going to take a very deep breath, put on my pinny, plug in some loud music and clean. It will be suitably therapeutic I'm sure and cheaper than counselling, alcohol or drugs!

21 comments:

  1. What a horrible weekend you have had. Wishing you a much better week - and hopefully there is nothing else to go wrong.

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  2. Sorry to hear about your mum, that must be so difficult I really do feel for you, x and losing your much loved chickens, try and hold it together, these things are sent to try us, at least you have your lovely hubby and children to support you, take care love Marlene x

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    1. Thank you. We are all a little shell shocked actually! I know mums situation will never get better, but as you say I have support and I'm sure that, given time, we'll grow to love some more feathered friends. X

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  3. Your post today is so sad. I really feel for you. Sometimes it makes you wonder what else can go wrong. Sending very best wishes your way. (Mrs L H)

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    1. Thank you for your wishes and thoughts. It means a lot to think that other people want the best for you. I've never experienced dementia before and it is a terrible terrible disease, robbing the sufferer and their families.

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  4. So sorry to hear about your Mum, and the loss of your feathered friends. Truly a roller coaster ride of a day. Be kind to yourself today, some treats are in order and a bit of a rest. If you can put your feet up for a while, grab a coffee and have a trawl around blogland, we're all here for you. xx

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    1. Thank you! It really does feel like a little virtual family out there! X

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  5. Sorry to hear you've had such a sad weekend. My dad has vascular dementia and we also lived quite a distance from him. Last year was very stressful and worrying as he was convinced he was ok and coping when everyone could see that he clearly wasn't. He is now in a residential home closer to us and it is a big relief to know he is being looked after and living in a safe environment. Hope you soon get some peace of mind regarding your mother xx

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    1. Yes we went through the stage where mum thought she could go home (with a broken leg and full leg plaster on top of everything else), but we're now lucky if she recognises us so it's advanced very rapidly 😞 thank you for thinking of me x

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  6. So very sorry to hear about your mum. A dreadful illness. And your chucks on top of everything else. Thinking of you a great deal right now. Sending much love xxx from us all.

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  7. Interesting. I have become a regular reader of your blog. Thanks for sharing.

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  8. I'm so sorry. It must be heartbreaking to see your mom in this state. And then to lose your birds. Hugs to you...

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    1. Thank you. Everyone has been very kind :)

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  9. I know exactly what you mean about your mum as mine is also in a nursing home suffering with dementia. My mum is 93 and is in Leeds, Yorkshire and I live in Wales, so it is too far for me to visit especially as I am disabled, but I ring her a few times a week and also on special days like Mothers Day and it was her birthday recently. The 'phone calls only last for a few minutes because she is always tired and her speech is slurred making it hard to understand what she is saying. She always calls me by my name, which is a blessing and she knows my two brothers names, but my husband and my brothers wives names she does forget.

    Not only does she have dementia, but she is nearly blind so she can't do her crosswords, a favourite past-time of hers. Also she has mobility problems, so is always sat and was recently admitted (only for a day) with deep vein thrombosis.

    I have only been able to visit her once since she was admitted to the nursing home and it was very upsetting for me to see her like that and remembering how she used to be. I would love to live nearer so that I could visit more. I do miss her and the long chats we used to have on the 'phone and it is sad that those are a thing of the past and will never return. As you said it is like grieving for someone who is still here.

    Blessings,
    Joan (Wales)

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    1. I omitted to say that she was admitted to hospital with deep vein thrombosis.

      Joan (Wales)

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    2. Hello! My poor mum can't seem to get into a nursing home as her level of need is now so great (all in the space of 10 weeks!) that nowhere feels able to meet her needs. Fortunately she is in a lively cottage hospital who are treating her very well, but I would like to see her settled.

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