Friday, 10 April 2015

I'm back!

Sorry to have been off the radar for such a long time. As you know when we were in the Gower, we had no internet. When I came back, it was quite a quick turnaround and I was off down to Devon to see my Mum!
I'll post the holiday photos later - lovely place, but wild weather!!

I was really anxious about seeing my Mum. The last time I'd actually seen her was back in October when she was doing really well considering she'd had a stroke in August and was already suffering from vascular dementia. Physically she was up and about and quite strong and although her confusion was marked, she could manage independently with support. Since then, she had fallen and fractured her tibia and then had 10 different moves from hospital, to community hospital to nursing home in Shropshire (where she was when she fell) and then back through the system again back in Devon after she insisted on going 'home'. She is now only able to shuffle about 5 paces and is about half the woman she was physically and her dementia has deteriorated significantly.
I knew all of this of course because I had been in constant contact with the health care professionals and had regular (stressful) conversations with her, BUT there's knowing it and then there's seeing it for your own eyes! 
I was very relieved that she recognised Mr D and myself and we were able to have chats even if we had to enter her world for most of it because of the utterly random nature of her stories. 
Meanwhile, there's a house, a car, her finances and battles to fight about where is best to care for her. (The unit where she is now appalled me!)
It feels disloyal to be preparing her house to be sold without having told her, but it has to be done. I have spent a lot of time over the past few days remembering some very good times whilst looking through photos and other bits and bobs around the house. I lived there from the age 14, so it's been the centre of many special family moments and celebrations. I will be very sad to say goodbye to it all! 
I think I have survived the last few days on adrenaline and wine, which, now that I'm home again, is wearing off - I'm shattered! All of this, makes me very aware of just how lucky I am and I MUST make the most of it...
As Mr D was driving back through Somerset this morning .... A lovely sunrise x


  1. I'm so sorry it has been such a difficult time for you, we seem to go from worrying about our children to worrying about our parents. It can be exhausting so I hope you are taking the time to look after yourself as well. I will be thinking of you xx

    1. Exactly! Mind you I'm still worrying about my children 😄 it's amazing how much there is to do actually, but I'm trying to 'chunk' it into reasonable amounts. Thank you for thinking of me - it seems many of us are in a state of flux at the moment!