Wednesday 8 July 2015

Doing

I met up with a friend yesterday for a walk and a coffee. She, like me, gave up work recently without another job to go to. For a few precious months, she is allowing herself time to catch up with everything, plan her new venture and just be. We were talking about how both of us have had huge amounts of stress to deal with over the last few months, but that we had been better placed to handle it due to our new, simpler way of life.  I mentioned that the lovely Mr D often asks me "What have you done today?", when he gets home. I struggle a bit with this question for two reasons - a) despite doing lots, none of it is particularly noteworthy, so I end up saying "Not much" or "just the usual" and b) I'm not sure I want my day measured by what I have done.
Modern society seems to be entirely based around doing and achieving. If you haven't squeezed 14 hours of activity into a 12 hour day, you are lazy, a lesser being. People should 'have it all', juggling every aspect of their lives - working, volunteering, child rearing, housekeeping, finding time to go to the gym, socialising, caring etc etc...
Even holidays aren't spent relaxing anymore - long gone are the days of deckchairs and knotted hankies with the most excitement coming from a donkey ride on the beach and an ice cream!
I know I'm guilty of this mentality. I am still judging myself if I haven't achieved a whole list full of things every day and if one more person asks me "what are you doing with your time now you're retired?", I might explode. I am 48 and NOT retired and I do what everyone else does with their day if they aren't going to work!
This morning, before 12, I have fed and watered the chickens and cleaned them out, fed and watered the cats, swept the floors and hoovered the lounge and stairs, the dishwasher has been emptied, the porch has been swept, I've wiped down the bathrooms, the beds have been made, I've mowed the lawn, strimmed the edges, cut the hedge and pruned, I've caught up with my neighbour over the fence, the bins have been emptied, I've done a load of washing and hung it out and ironed 18 items of clothing and put them away. This afternoon, I will plan the menu for next week and write the shopping list, I will cook a meal for later, clear another drain (I know!!!!) and replace the batteries in the smoke alarms.
I'm doing these things not because I feel the need to be doing and certainly not because I wish to be competitively measured by how much I've done. I'm doing these things simply because they need doing in order to make our lives pleasanter. I won't be reporting back to Mr D this evening on the days achievements, but he will come home to a clean and tidy house, a nice meal and clean, pressed clothes to wear in his wardrobe.
Perhaps I'd like his question to be "What was your favourite moment today?" Or "what has made you happy today?"

21 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean.....I wish I had a £ for every time someone has asked me "What do you do with yourself all day?". As if they think I just sit on my backside doing nowt but twiddling my thumbs. It used to really annoy me (like you, I'm not retirement age, I just choose not to go out to work, for various reasons).....now I just smile and say "I do lots of things, and am lucky to have the luxury of doing them all at my own pace".

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    1. It does nark me that there seems to be an implication that I'm doing nothing! People don't seem to get the fact that I can be happy not going to work. I may choose to work again, I may not, but it will be MY decision!

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  2. I AM retired, have been for 7 years, and I fill my days with a mixture of things that need doing, things that I fancy doing, a bit of craft, cooking, shopping and gardening - but if anyone dares to ask me what I do all day I just tell them "absolutely nothing". Sure shuts people up!

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    1. I may adopt that reply!! It's so lovely to be able to pick and choose what I do each day and when I do it!

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  3. People have been asking me what on earth I do at home all day for 35 years! and since Col gave up full time work they ask him if it's good to be retired early.
    Several years ago I bumped into someone who I had done a typing course with many years earlier, she was in town putting her details into an agency where she said she intended to earn at least 25K a year. ( Lot of money back then) I just smiled and said " Oh I don't NEED to work!

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    1. It is odd how different people judge success! Mine isn't money or stuff fortunately.

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  4. Like you I recently gave up a well paid professional job and in my case replaced it with outdoor, smallholdery activities which keep me well occupied. One of the biggest novelties was not having to worry about deadlines and I unfinished tasks. There's time to continue with it tomorrow, rather than wait for the weekend or some annual leave. When people ask me what I do all day I could reel of a list of seemingly mundane activities but actually for me they are very satisfying.

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    1. I am loving being outdoors so much more. My previous job was inside almost the whole time and it really is great to be able to work to my own timetable too. Stuff still needs to get done, but there's so much more flexibility now. I agree, mundane to some, but satisfying to us!

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  5. I'm 50 and left my job last year on my 50th birthday. It was classed as taking early retirement as I receive my occupational pension. However, I'm far busier now than I ever was at work and I enjoy it so much more. I do a bit of home-working on a self-employed basis (transcription work) to add to the coffers but the rest of my day is taken up with routine activities around the home. My main achievements today are harvesting our carrots and courgettes and freezing them ready for winter. When I left work colleagues would say "but what are you going to do all day?" to which I would politely smile and make something up!!

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    1. It's kind of sad that you had to make something up. People should be happy for you that you have been able to follow your heart and make a good decision for your wellbeing. There are multiple people out there who don't understand what I'm doing or how I can be happy and I'm not about to try and make them understand either! Each to their own I guess. Harvesting your own produce is wonderful - my courgettes are coming along but still a bit small yet.

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  6. I haven't retired yet but I already know I will be busy in retirement. There is so much I want to have a go at doing but presently cannot find the energy. Notice I've said energy rather than time because that what it boils down to with me nost of the time. Recently my friend said she couldn't retire as she would be bored, she is a cleaner 3 hours a day. Before I had a chance to answer her, her husband said ' no you wouldn't, you'd find other things to do'. Well done for being brave and leaving the rat race behind you to live a simpler lifestyle.

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    1. I had a plan of all sorts of things I wanted to try when I stopped work. I haven't done them all yet as there's is always something to do, especially in this wonderful weather! I haven't looked back :)

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  7. I have seen this thought on a few blogs recently. And it is very interesting.
    Retired what does that really mean ? and why do we need to "label' something ?
    To say your retired from your job does that mean a Mum get to retire from the child part of her life ? the house still needs to be cleaned along with the dishes and clothes. Food needs to be bought and cooked. Animals and gardens need to be taken care of.
    I "stayed" home but worked freelance. So I had to work that in to my day.
    Now some days I feel upset because I can't do everything I want to. Just getting up and making sure The Square Ones are taken care of is all I can manage. But for that day that is what I could manage.
    We all need to enjoy the day and enjoy our quiet times along with the working times. Just because we do not "work" 9 to 5 doesn't mean we aren't busy.

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. I have days where I just don't have the energy or indeed inclination to do everything off my list, but over the week I seem to manage to get most things done that I need to. I don't consider myself 'retired' just freer and of course, happier!!

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  8. That's funny because I was having exactly this conversation with my family the other day, about how you're not seen as being successful if you aren't racing around, achieving big, high status things, or doing impressive activities, or moving up in your career. Social media doesn't help either with pictures of people doing fabulous things and being busy busy busy all the time on facebook etc. It's enough to make you feel inadequate. What happened to giving people credit for keeping families together, for raising happy, healthy, kind and caring children, for creating a loving, comfortable home for the family to return to each day, for supporting your partner in his/her career and when he's too knackered to do anything when he/she gets in from work, feeling like you're doing something important and worthwhile putting a home cooked meal on the table and making sure he/she doesn't have to spend hours in the evening helping out with the childcare or housework? I'm not saying that's the way every family should be, but if that's the family structure you have or have chosen, then it's high time other people respected that. It should be seen as a worthwhile 'career'. There's many a day I barely sit down from the time I get up at 6.30am to make breakfasts, packed lunches, see to the dogs and get the laundry in the washing machine, until I've tidied up after dinner at night, looked out packed lunches and meals for the following day from the freezer, and sorted out the laundry for the following day. Then there's children's activities or homework in the evenings and PE kits to look out and music practice to supervise.

    Next time somebody asks what you've done all day, you could try replying that you've sat on your bum, painting your nails and watching daytime TV!

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    1. I have to admit that yesterday afternoon, I watched the final episode of Black Work and gave myself a pedicure!! However, I agree, there is always lots to do to maintain a home and garden and care for a family and it should be work that is afforded a greater level of respect!

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    2. But think how much you saved giving yourself a pedicure, rather than paying someone else to do it!!

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    3. Quite! And I didn't need to expose anyone else to my feet either!

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  9. I so understand, I haven't worked since my son was born 18 years ago. I get told all the time by my sister she couldn't sit home all day. I could just slap her. Cheryl.

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    1. As if you sit around all day!! My Mum kept telling me I wouldn't be satisfied being at home. So far I am VERY happy and I can't see that changing in a hurry, especially if I get the chance to move and have polytunnels etc ......I like being busy, but I als like being still and quiet. You need a balance of the two.

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  10. I know EXACTLY what you mean.

    The best way to show everyone what you do all day is to simply one day decide NOT do it. Take yourself out have a day mooching about the shops, walking in the park, drinking coffees and whatever you do make sure you arrive home AFTER everyone else .... and ask "What's for tea?"

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